Like a Stone
Worry collects in the pit of my stomach
I fear for her
I’ve struggled with her love in the past
Like a blanket on a summer evening
Youth, unaware of the winters ahead
Unaware of how much that warmth would mean
Grown strong in her embrace
Can I stop her shivering?
At one point, I was a nice guy. Whether or not I still am is up for debate. Self doubt and insercurities, low self confidence and jealousy; these things cause bitterness. I’m gonna try to do better. To be a nice guy and stop indulging in the melodrama and meloncholy I like to convince myself I deserve to wallow in. I don’t like that guy any more than anyone else likes that guy. I’m not gonna lie; there’s no point in trying to be something I’m not. I’m good at self pity, and like everyone else, I have my issues. But I can work to be more positive. Stop comparing myself and what I have to other people, and just focus on my own shit. Let stuff go. Move on and grow. We’ll see if it works or not, but here’s hoping.
We have never met, but I hate you
I see the rings on your fingers
The smiles on your faces
Fuck you both
But as a miserable person
It’s my responsibility to regard your happiness with disdain
All the best
But I hope one of you gets disfigured in a horrible car accident and the other one abandons them
Preferably for me
I swear, I’m a nice guy
At least I can be
When I am not unhappy as hell
Surrounded by oblivious couples
Swimming in self satisfaction
PDA-ing all over the place
It’s not you
So apologies for my bitterness
But the cheese stands alone
I hate being lonely cheese
After painstakingly filling the last page of my sketchbook and writing notebooks respectively, I haven’t had time to grab my new one. After taking those blank pages for granted for months, I now feel naked with them gone. I feel lacking. While having struggled to find the will to create as facillitated by those unfinished books, now I find myself flooded with inspiration. A head full of words waiting to be drained out through the faucet of my pen; where was this deluge when I was prepared? Oh Muse of Irony, here’s hoping you won’t leave me high and dry once a new notebook sits in the stachel at my side.
Easy to Forget
There are only so many hours in the day. Considering the pure amount of stuff going on at any given time, it makes sense that some things get left out or forgotten. Better to forget the fact that I have a tumblr and a couple other blogs that I try to write on, than to forget to wear pants or put on deodorant. But, part of forgetting something is that thrill of remembering. That random sudden realization brought upon by some neglected synapse suddenly firing up. When it happens, it happens. You can’t ignore it. The need to take advantage of an under utilized resource is an itch to be scratched immediately. Even at 12:50 a.m., after a long day, before another one that shall start all too soon.
Here’s to remembering the easily forgotten.
So, Apocalypse Eve. Apparently, the Mayans calculated that the world would end tomorrow. All I know, is that when I received my paycheck and saw that it was about $270 less than I need to make rent, it definitely made me wish the end was nigh. It’s so easy to feel overwhelmed by these things. Bills, rent, not being able to afford Christmas Presents. It’s scary. It’s easy to question the decisions we’ve made and the passions we’ve chosen to follow. But realistically, I doubt the world is going to blow up within the next 24 hours. I doubt they’ll be zombies or rain of frogs or super-bees, or whatever. And I am grateful for this. I am grateful for the fact that I still have time before the due date for those bills. I’m grateful for having a loving supportive family that will appreciate the hand-made gifts they’re going to get this year. I’m grateful for having learned from the dark times I’ve had so that I can now know that nothing’s as bad as it seems, things may be less than ideal but nothing’s over till it’s over. I’m stronger than I like to remember. So I’m gonna enjoy this dinner of pancakes and bacon, I’m gonna enjoy the ups and downs for what they are: signs that the world’s still spinning.